Top Ten America Defenses

AMERICAN TRAVELERS WILL occasionally encounter someone (most often a young European male) who expresses dislike or hatred of America or Americans (perhaps blanketed with "while you're okay"), and who takes smug satisfaction in declaring that some horrible disaster (in a huge, dynamic society) somehow proves his projection, instead of seeing the greater reality of hundreds, thousands, or millions who always race in to stanch the gap, pick up the pieces, and progress.

10. So okay, you live in a 900-year-old apartment and they sing real nice over at state opera, but how long ya been votin'?

9.  You got a queen--we got Madonna.

8.  You got free spas--we're gonna cure cancer.

7.  Soccer Hooligans/Skinheads/Neo-Nazis: 1,000,000
                                                         KKK:      10,000

6.  Accommodating America:  More than a million largely uneducated immigrants per year, safest place for Jews ever.
     Sophisticated Switzerland:  Shockingly anti-Semitic.

5.  Swedish neutrality:  Sells iron ore to Nazis until late 1944.
     Another ideal:  Sacrifice for a better world.

4.  United States:  Lowest tariffs, the best engine for improving living standards worldwide.
     Europe:  Prefers to sell but not be sold, pretends to help through macro-inconsequential or counterproductive "aid" programs.

3.  Run over by a bus or shot by a gun nut--What's the diff?

2.  C-O-R-V-E-T-T-E

1.  Without peculiar American qualities we might all be speaking Hitler, Stalin, or Milosevic, so stuff a sock in it and get me a Coke!¹

 

Notes

1. An American writer/director/comedian was reportedly ejected from a Parisian restaurant for ordering same. back